I believe that everyone deserves to feel safe and supported in showing up as their authentic self. To me, authenticity is essential for us to thrive, build meaningful connections, and live a life of true fulfillment.

The question I’m often asked is: “What does authentic self mean?” At its core, showing up as our authentic self means living and acting in alignment with our deepest values and beliefs. Yes, it takes courage. Sometimes, it’s scary to step into it. But I want to make one thing clear: authenticity is not a license to say or do whatever we want without regard for others. That’s not authenticity—it’s selfishness.

Authenticity also comes with accountability. It requires us to take responsibility for how our words and actions impact the people around us. Without accountability, authenticity loses its integrity.

Back in my corporate days, an executive approached me with a thorny dilemma involving an employee who had taken the concept of "authentic self" to an extreme—and not in a good way.

This individual believed that being authentic meant being completely “unfiltered.” In meetings, they would brazenly make inappropriate remarks, belittle colleagues with biting criticism, and erupt into what could only be described as temper tantrums when things didn’t go their way. And it didn’t stop there. They took their grievances to a public internal forum, lashing out at the company leadership with harsh and unprofessional comments for everyone in the company to see. Ultimately, they “weaponized” authenticity and inflicted harms on others.

When her manager shared feedback, their response was as shocking as it was defensive: “This is me being authentic, and everyone should accept me. I’m smarter than most of you guys anyway.”

I cringed. My heart sank. Authentic self doesn’t mean unfiltered self. Authentic self doesn’t mean ruthless self. Authentic self certainly doesn’t mean selfish self.

Being authentic doesn’t mean we’ll always please everyone—sometimes, honesty and self-expression might disappoint or even upset others. But there’s a difference between being true to ourself and being reckless with others’ feelings. Being authentic means being mindful of our impact and owning our part in every interaction. True authenticity balances honesty with compassion. It’s an act of courage because it allows us to be who we are while creating a space where others feel safe to be themselves, too.

Authenticity done right is rooted in respect, kindness, courage, and accountability.

Disagreeing with someone? Do it with respect.

Sharing the truth? Speak it with kindness and courage.

Holding firm to our values? Do so without harming others.

Showing up as authentic self also requires awareness—awareness of our surroundings, our words, our actions, and how they affect those around us. So the next time we feel called to be courageous and show up as our most authentic self, I invite all of us to consider:

What are my values? Are my words and actions reflecting those values?

How am I being perceived by others? Does their perception align with the person I want to be?

Am I taking responsibility for the impact of my words and actions?

Authenticity calls for being real and courageous all while staying rooted in care, integrity, and respect for the shared spaces we occupy—and taking ownership when we stumble.